So picture the setting in your mind of a nice spring day on the water.  You are probably thinking of pure relaxation, peacefulness and a stress free experience on a beautiful lake with perfect weather and a calm breeze.  It just can’t get any better right?  Well go watch the movie “On Golden Pond” because when I hit the waters it is a new experience every time.

     The first leg of my 2010 fishing schedule starts with Coffeen Lake in Greenville, IL. It’s a very nice power plant lake about 90 miles outside of St. Louis.  It is a hotbed for Largemouth bass, catfish and 2 inch crappie with ideal cover lined along every point of the lake.  If you are a true fisherman like me you will never out-fish the expert showing you the lake.  That’s just rude.  What you should do is hook all of your fish and let them get off before they make it into the boat.  That way you feel good and he feels good about the situation.  Oh and if he does pull in the big fish of the day you should celebrate and congratulate him.  This is a great moment……for you two to share.  When it’s time to take a picture act like your phone camera is broke.  That way when you come back you can just chalk it up to a fishing story.

     Now this trip started like any other trip for me.  There was no Illinois fishing license, cooler, sunglasses, groceries, aspirin for my hangover, gas in truck and rod / reels lined and lubed up.  I also had no idea what was in store for me on this trip.  Where we went there was no lodging, camping or even sleeping bags used.  There is no time for that.  “When you are sleeping you are not fishing” so let’s just fish all night.  We will nickname it Extreme fishing 101.  To keep the article short I have highlighted the moments I do remember in order of how I think they occurred:

Pre-Boat Launch

1 bag of ice is probably not a great idea for 2 guys planning on drinking red bull & vodkas.  Thankfully I had a GPS that took us to Casey’s general store up the street.  These trips in and out of the water are priceless.  In one glance you can see 500 lb Bubba walking into the store in his 1975 overalls, a guy climbing through his truck window like the General Lee and Leroy in the background upgrading the curb appeal on his single wide.  I would have taken pictures but Bubba likely would have kidnapped us and force us to breed with his animals.

Boat Launch

We are in the water.  As all of my gear is in plastic bags, under the seat, hooked to the carpet my cousin pulls out his gear custom labeled and in order.  He then proceeds to pull out some toys for his pets he has at home.  Apparently he fishes with him also.  They looked like cat nip mice, but had hooks in them.  At one point I looked for cameras to come out of the woods and say I had been Punked.

Pre-Evening Fish

We had a few solid hours of fish time before the darkness hit.  So that means once I had my line ready to go I had a good 20 minutes.  This is also the time I started my modified catch-and release tactic.  I had 2 fish on the hook or up up to the boat.  I really wish my camera phone was working correctly so I could get a picture of my partner’s first bass.  Sorry about that Ernie. 

Evening Fish

Ah where the fun begins.  In about a 15 minute span I went from thinking “this is heaven” to “where is the closest hotel?”

1. Darkness rolls in…..New lantern doesn’t work.  Radio doesn’t work.

2. As I am trying to fix the lantern I hook my finger……stomach growls……and I inhale 21 bugs and maybe a bird.

3. Now we need light.  Heavy breathing, panting, groaning and a few pulled hamstrings later I finally was able to find a fishin light (attracts fish) under the seat.  The boat was shaking at this point because my cousin about fell in the water laughing.

4. It’s now dark.  The bug spray and Citronella were in a bag and the lighters in another with the chips.  While we are finding those I try to hook up this fishin light to the battery.  We have light! I stand up, trip on my gear, spill my beer on my phone and swallow a couple hundred more bugs and pretty sure a bat came by and pecked at my head.  Stomach growls…….and then growls again.

5. At this point the line is not in the water, the phone is soaked and my stomach contractions have increased to 4 growls every minute.  This is not a good thing.

6. Oh shit!  No literally….nature has spoken and I am now in crisis mode I.B.S level 3.  When you move to this I.B.S. level you think irrationally and feel the world will end in less then 5 minutes.  “Up the anchor! Up the fishing lines! We have 1 minute and 21 seconds to get to that bathroom!”  The fishing light never got the memo and wrapped itself around the prop as I am motoring for my life to the bathroom.  R.I.P fishing light.  You have been with me for 5 years, but I only knew you for 20 minutes.

7.  We made it to shore and I duck walk to the bathroom.  After a few tense moments teetering on life and death I made it without an alien climbing up inside me……Time to restart.

Overnight Fish

Good times.  Stars come out and the weather is perfect. We decide to anchor in the middle of the lake so the locals couldn’t reach us.  Well that and the bugs were less crazy.   

• Here I hooked and “let go” another catfish.  My plan works perfectly.

• The best part was around 4:30 to 5:00 a.m. dozing off dreaming of bites only to wake in a nervous panic thinking my pole was in the water.  I had about 20 bites in that 30 minute span.  It was an amazing run for me!

Morning Fish

• Tossing out play frogs to the mossy coves, I let my cousin Ernie hook the first one early morning.  I then hook one a minute later.

• We roam around the lake ½ asleep trying to figure out what day it is and when we would catch the next big one.  He’s feeling pressured that I have caught up to him so he breaks out the bobber and Bass Assassin and pulls in a mess of fish………..averaging 2 inches each.   Nice haul!

• The day was getting later and our patience thin.  This is when the “fish stole the damn frog”.  A quick pop and then the bass jumps at the frog. The pole whips and the line snaps.  The bass stole his $10 lure and will be looking stupid the next 3 weeks with a fake frog sticking out of his mouth.  Why fret when you have a tackle box full of cat nip mice?  On goes the mouse toy!

• Oh and I forever will have flying mice nightmares.  Maybe he heard me laughing at his Frog takedown maybe not.  Maybe it was an accident after that maybe not.  What I will not forget is a flying mouse coming 100 M.P.H. towards my head after it was yanked from a snagged branch.  I hate mice!

The next scheduled fishing trip is the end of April when I head to Kentucky Lake.  It is a dry county so I am working on some undercover methods of concealment. 

Until then keep your friends close and your fake frog lures closer!